Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize