Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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