My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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