New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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