I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
