Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
