I heard we made out
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Boobs speak an international language.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
