Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
