Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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