Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
