To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize