Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
