I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
