happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
