the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
