I looked at my own cervix.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
