how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
