I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
