what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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