never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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