I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
