I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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