She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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