Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
