A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Let's paint friendship bongs
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
