Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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