You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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