I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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