She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
