I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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