it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
