def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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