Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and she was petting her beer can
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Panties = found
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
