At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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