There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
