Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
