You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
