And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
