i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
