So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
