Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
