ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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