Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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