i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
