it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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