Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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