my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
