guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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