Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
