I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
