You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
