I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
