I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
