worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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