She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
