I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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