so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pants are for mortals
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
