he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
