I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
