I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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