he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
