She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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