Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
