i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
