Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
