im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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