The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
