she looked like the before picture.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
