she woke up with a sticky ear
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
