i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
