he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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