so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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