i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
