Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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