Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
