so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
