you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
