ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
